I have been contemplating writing a blog for a very long time but wasn’t sure about the tone I wanted it to have.
Today I decided to just go for it after receiving an email from a professor. Here is a short excerpt…
“You haven’t been in class in quite a while, which is a sorrow to me. I’m not sure the course can be salvaged for you…”
The reason my lovely professor who slightly resembles Professor Mcgonagall said it might not be able to be salvaged is that I haven’t gone to class in many weeks.
I ask myself that too.
I have this issue with things in life, especially my academic life lately, where when something goes wrong I seize up and turn away. I missed a few online quizzes due to my lack of organization and was too embarrassed to say or do anything and it was a domino effect from there.
I can’t decide in my own mind if this is a result of what is termed “anxiety” or what one little creature on my shoulder insists is laziness, stupidity, etc.,
I even made an appointment with academic counselling and didn’t show weeks ago. The same goes for dealing with my “anxiety” for which I went to one appointment and skipped the follow-up.
I just can’t bring myself to get my ass places and just DO it.
And so, I decided to start this blog today as a kind of cathartic move. I’m hoping I’ll get a readership who can read this and relate to a 20-something who seems utterly unable to get her shit together. Kind of like, you know, Sex and the City in a small university town meets one of the characters from The Office before he/she got a job.
This is why I called this “life major: undecided”. I’m a university student, in my last year of my undergrad (hopefully, as it is doubtful that I will be graduating)…who, despite studying for years asks a question I think any sentient person in my position wonders once when she wakes up and many times throughout the day, “what the hell am I going to do with my life?”
I find, High School is like waiting a very long time for a bus to come. University is the bus that comes and takes you to the destination, the rest of your life. And so on the ride you’re trying to make the best of the journey, as the saying “it’s about the journey not the destination” dictates but actually metaphorically shitting your pants the entire time. This is a common occurrence for most who have no solid plans after graduation, like yours truly.
And that folks, was one of my many insightful similes in this weird little bildungsroman.
On the surface I think people who just meet me, or don’t know me very well, view me as a confident ball or neuroses who enjoys a few too many glasses of cheap Pinot and making people laugh with stories of my impulsive decisions. Underneath, is a shy person who likes to keep to herself and over-thinks said impulsive decisions and conversations that took place months ago, forever.
So, I think this blog, if I am able to keep it up, will feature an unadulterated mix of the two sides of myself which are constantly battling for precedence. Crazy, gypsy soul versus. anxiety-ridden nail biter.
Who will take the first point?